Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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