Is it because I queefed?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Randomize
