I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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