it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
