Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
