I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
