a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
