i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
