I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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