Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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