sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I made him laugh his dick is mine
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize