I have demons in me.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
