i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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