If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
