You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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