I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
