I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well I just put wine in my tea
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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