She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
