Capitaan dildo arrescate!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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