there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
