In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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