Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
