Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
