yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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