Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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