i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
