Do you still have your period?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
