I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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