pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize