Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Enjoy the penises
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
