you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
