There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
