she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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