Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize