Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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