hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
