I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
