I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
