Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
