So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
