i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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