It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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