Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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