Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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