I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i love accidental penises.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
