Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
