I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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