I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I want to fling myself into the sun
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
