I'm lost and stupid without you.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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