Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
