I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
