I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize