Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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