cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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