we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
