I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
