be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
