I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
