Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize