perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
