so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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