im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
