I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
