went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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