After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
