tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
