I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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