Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize