Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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