oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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