We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
