If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
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