I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
