Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
