It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
