I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
