Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
