ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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